The Inner Workings of Butterflies
by Arquellania
Summary: There are two sides to us: what we are and what we wish we were. Here's both. Blair/Chuck twoshot.
1. What We Are

**The Inner Workings of Butterflies**

**Part One – What We Are**

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**Summary:** Blair and Chuck are many things. They fall apart, they get back together. It is who they are.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gossip Girl or these amazing characters, although I wish I did.

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We are the couple that fights more than catty girls do.

--

"_I'm tired of this, Chuck." Blair sighs as her tears fall._

"_You have to understand that I'm not your dog. I'm not always going to do what you please."_

"_I'm trying hard…I can't do this anymore." Blair's voice is weak._

"_Then you can get out."_

--

We are the couple that is never smiling.

--

"_Fuck you!" She screams, her shrill voice cutting him._

"_I'm sorry."_

_Her eyes are no longer forgiving. They are glass._

"_All you ever are is sorry."_

--

We are the people everyone loves to hate. (We even hate each other.)

--

"_I hate you!" She says for the millionth time._

_He just shakes his head. "You just can't help it."_

"_What?"_

"_You can't help but make my life a living hell."_

--

We are the two people no one ever expected to get together.

--

"_It's just not working."_

"_I can't help but be who I am, Blair."_

"_That's why it's not working."_

--

We are the people that say goodbye a million times.

--

"_I tried." Her tears are a waterfall on her cheeks._

"_Blair."_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I still…"_

"_I know."_

--

We are the people that say hello a million times.

--

"_I would say 'it's never going to happen again, Chuck', but I would be wrong." She smirks._

"_That's just us. There's no use changing it."_

--

We are the people who harbor butterflies endlessly.

--

"_I can't help but…" She stops midsentence._

"_What?"_

"_I can't help but come running back to you."_

--

We are the best of friends…

--

"_You know, this was never meant to happen."_

"_But it did anyway."_

--

…That just happened to end up together.

--

"_This is the problem!" She yells and runs her fingers through her hair._

"_It's like fire with fire …"_

"_We're just too much alike."_

--

We are the ones that were never meant to fall in love.

--

"_I want this to work so badly." _

"_I want us to be happy, Blair."_

"_Then why is it that we aren't?"_

--

We are the ones that were never meant to be happy.

--

"_Why is it that…in my head, I just can't see us…staying like this?" She's deep in thought, her eyelids fluttering._

"_Because we're too unpredictable for us to tell what's going to happen tomorrow."_

--

We are sometimes too caring.

--

"_Chuck!" Her mascara's running. She wipes away her tears. "You're okay."_

"_I'd never leave you."_

"_I was…so scared. I thought you were…"_

"_I'm fine…I'm right here."_

--

We are sometimes too affectionate.

--

"_You know I love you, right?"_

"_More than anything?"_

"_More than anything."_

--

We are ready to jump right after the other.

--

"_I'm going with you."_

"_It's going to be dangerous, Blair. I can't just-"_

"_You don't have a choice about this. I'm going with you."_

--

We are the most unstable couple the Upper East Side has ever seen.

--

"_Do you love me?"_

"_You know I do."_

"_Then why is there a problem?"_

"_Because…I don't love the idea of this anymore."_

--

We are madly in love…

--

"_I wonder why I can't see past all of this."_

"_Maybe you don't want to."_

"_That's not the point. We're never happy. I don't know if this can ever work."_

"_But can't you just try?"_

--

…But sometimes we won't admit it.

--

"_You keep on apologizing, but your apologies don't mean anything anymore."_

"_Blair, I love you."_

"_But maybe that's not enough anymore."_

--

We are our own worst enemies.

--

"_We're just causing the same problems. I can't help but wonder why I ever started this with you."_

"_Waldorf, I just wonder why you're never happy with what is front of you."_

--

We are never happy with our fate.

--

"_If this was meant to happen, then I think the odds are stacked against us."_

"_Then why can't we just fight for what we want?"_

"_I've been doing that for a long time now."_

--

We are tired of being unhappy…

--

"_I just want to smile every once in a while."_

"_There's nothing stopping you."_

--

…But we don't know what to do about it.

--

"_Don't get me wrong…You make me happy."_

"_Then what's wrong with you?"_

"_That's just it. There's always something wrong."_

--

We are quick to give up…

--

"_Things just change."_

"_I can't let go all of this."_

"_But we have to. Just for now."_

--

…But we fight for what we really want.

--

"_I love you. I do. I'm not going to forget about all of this."_

"_Then why are you leaving?"_

"_I'm leaving to make things better…for us."_

"_Why does it feel like you're not coming back?"_

"_I'm always going to be here. Just don't forget about me."_

--

We are guilty only in loving too much.

--

"_One last dance…before I go?"_

"_For you, anything."_

"…_Have I told you I loved you?"_

"_Not lately."_

--

We are not great with saying goodbye.

--

"_Please don't go."_

"_Chuck, I have to. Just promise me one thing."_

"_Anything."_

"_Think about me."_

--

We are always waiting to say hello again.

--

"_I can't wait to see you."_

"_That seems like a while from now."_

"_It is. But I'm going to be spending every minute with you."_

--

We are living like it's out last day on Earth.

--

"_We have this one night. Just…let's be happy…just for tonight."_

"_Tomorrow you're going to be gone again."_

"_Not forever. I'll be back."_

"_The question is when."_

--

We are perfect only in our imperfections.

--

"_Would you think I was crazy if I said…I just want to stay here forever?"_

"_No. Because I'm thinking the same thing."_

--

We are drowning in self-doubt.

--

"_This is never going to work! I can't be with you every single moment."_

"_Are you saying you don't want to be with me?"_

"_I do, but I have a life. And I want to live it."_

--

We are a symbol of fate's design.

--

"_I can't help but wonder why we ended up together."_

"_Some things are meant to be."_

--

We are a beautiful disaster.

--

"_Things are too hard to figure out right now. I just…I need to get out of here."_

"_Are you coming back?"_

"_I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."_

--

We are everything to each other.

--

"_If I were to die, what would you do?"_

"_I would die with you."_

--

We are breathing because of each other.

--

"_I wasn't happy with who I was for a long time."_

"_What made you change?"_

"_You."_

--

We are always by each other's side.

--

"_Bad things have happened, I know."_

"_I just don't understand why this is going on."_

"_Just remember that I'm always going to be here."_

"_I know."_

--

We are perfect in each other's eyes.

--

"_There has to be something wrong with me. There has to-"_

"_Blair."_

"_What?"_

"_You're absolutely fine just the way you are."_

--

We are the absolute opposite of a couple that's meant to last…

--

"_You know, I just…"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I can't see myself with anyone but you."_

--

…And that's what makes us beautiful.

--

**Author's Note:** Here's the first part of this twoshot. You could say it's a companion to The Seven Stages, but you don't have to read that to read this.

It's kind of fluff, and it's kind of angsty. I can't really define it.

Well, this first part was all about what the relationship between Chuck and Blair is. The next part is what they wish they were.

Review! I definitely want people's thoughts on this. Thanks, Cass


	2. Wish We Were

**The Inner Workings of Butterflies**

**Part Two – Wish We Were**

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**Summary:** Blair and Chuck are a lot of things, but do you ever wonder what they wish their relationship was like?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl. Man, someone needs to bribe The CW network so I could have it. :)

--

We wish we were a stable and normal couple.

--

"_You can't just be satisfied with the fact that I'm not screwing someone else!"_

"_Because I expect that of you. Is that supposed to be something new?"_

"_It is for me."_

--

We wish we were smiling and happy like we're meant to be.

--

"_I don't want to be miserable. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy."_

"_Then stop complaining about everything."_

"_I can't do that if there's always something wrong with us."_

--

We wish unconditional love was easier for us.

--

"_I can't say I love you if you don't love me."_

"_I do love you. There are things that just make me hate you sometimes."_

"_But why can't you just say you love me without the entire charade?"_

"_I want to. I do. But I can't tell the difference between love and hate anymore."_

--

We wish we could decipher the thin line between love and hate.

--

"_I'm really tired of waiting for you to choose whether you want me."_

"_It's not a matter of choice."_

"_Then what is it?"_

"_It's a matter of knowing when it's time to stop playing games."_

--

We wish we could make sense of our relationship.

--

"_I don't really know how things are going to end up with us anymore."_

"_Is that a problem?"_

"_I'm not really sure. You tell me."_

"_I don't know either."_

--

We wish we were better with goodbyes.

--

"_I'm really sorry. I wanted this to work so badly."_

"_I think that was what tore us apart."_

"_I didn't mean for this to happen."_

"_I know."_

--

We wish we were better at letting each other in.

--

"_I don't want to talk about it."_

"_You don't want to talk about anything."_

"_Can't you just respect that?"_

"_No. I'm only trying to help."_

"_Well, then stop helping."_

--

We wish we could admit that we have butterflies.

--

"_Let go of me."_

"_What if I don't want to?"_

"_I don't care. I don't need you."_

"_Well, I need you."_

--

We wish we could go back to being friends…

--

"_Nothing's ever going to be the same again."_

"_Is that a good or a bad thing?"_

"_I'll let you know."_

--

…Because sometimes we aren't too friendly.

--

"_I'm beginning to realize why I shouldn't be with you."_

"_Is there anything that you still like about us?"_

"_Probably not."_

_--_

We wish we could see that we are the best things that ever happened to each other.

--

"_I'm fine on my own. I don't need you."_

"_Fine, then get out!"_

"_I didn't mean it like that."_

"_Then what do you mean?"_

--

We wish the odds weren't stacked against us.

--

"_No one wants us to be together."_

"_Is that a reason to stop trying?"_

"_Maybe. I just don't see how this could ever work."_

--

We wish we weren't pessimistic…

--

"_This is never going to work."_

"_Why can't you just believe that we might be happy for one second?"_

"_Because I'm tired of pretending everything's okay."_

"_Then why don't you try to make it okay?"_

--

…But that comes with the relationship.

--

"_I stopped trying to make things work a long time ago."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because some things…just aren't worth my time."_

"_Are you saying you give up?"_

"_For right now. Not forever."_

--

We wish it was as easy as rising from the ashes.

--

"_We just stop and start up again. It's nothing more than that."_

"_Why can't we just make every permanent?"_

"_I wish we could. But that comes with complications."_

"_Everything comes with complications."_

--

We wish that we didn't make so many mistakes.

--

"_I've done so many things wrong…So many mistakes…"_

"_It's okay. Just learn from this one."_

--

We wish we could hold on forever and never let go.

--

"_You're leaving."_

"_Just for a little while."_

"_But I need you."_

"_And I need you too. But I need to go. Just for now."_

--

We wish tragedy never came into our midst.

--

"_I'm sorry about all of this."_

"_But this isn't your fault."_

"_We could have avoided it, though…"_

"_But everything happens for a reason, right?"_

--

We wish every once in a while that we had never met.

--

"_Do you realize how much happier I could have been if I'd never fallen in love with you?"_

"_I don't know. You tell me."_

"_I wouldn't be stuck between a rock and a hard place. You're not enough anymore."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I just don't smile anymore with you. It's not enough that I love you."_

--

We wish we could take all the wrong things we said back.

--

"_I'm sorry for everything."_

"_So am I."_

"_I wish we could just…go back."_

"_There's no rewind button for life."_

--

We wish that we wouldn't get so angry at each other.

--

"_I hate you. Take everything and get out."_

"_How many times are you going to say you hate me?"_

"_Until you understand how much I do."_

--

We wish on a star at night…

--

"_I have dreams for us."_

"_You do?"_

"_Of course." She smiles. "And I know every single one of them is going to come true."_

--

…But we don't tell each other.

--

"_Can't we just dance forever?"_

"_I wish."_

"_Then just hold me, please…As long as you can."_

--

We wish forever was an easy concept for us to grasp.

--

"_I want us to think about forever."_

"_But we can't even stay together for two weeks."_

"_Forever can mean a lot of things."_

"_But what does it mean to us?"_

--

We wish the days without each other were easier to get through.

--

"_This has to be worse than Romeo and Juliet."_

"_You're never here."_

"_And I wish I could be. But please, just wait."_

"_You know I will."_

--

We wish that reunions came faster than goodbyes.

--

"_It's been such a long time."_

"_I know."_

"_A couple more weeks…"_

"_And then what?"_

"_You can have me."_

--

We wish that we had learned how to make sacrifices.

--

"_I'm not ready to let you go."_

"_But you have to. Just for a little while."_

"_I'm tired of being apart."_

"_It's not always easy to be together."_

--

We wish our dreams could come true at the same time…

--

"_I have to live my life. Sometimes that won't include you."_

"_But I want to be a part of all this."_

"_I just want to live my dream. You just need to step out of the way for a bit."_

--

…But we have to take turns.

--

"_We can never be in the same place at the same time!"_

"_We're just going at two different speeds."_

"_We're never going to be in sync if that's how it's going to work."_

--

We wish we made smarter decisions…

--

"_You're just an idiot. I can't believe you did this!"_

"_I was trying to make things better for us."_

"_Well, in case you didn't notice, you made things worse."_

--

…Because they would have saved us a lot of pain.

--

"_I feel…like a part of me is missing…"_

"_I understand that. But you never waited for me."_

"_I wasn't moving at the speed of light. You never went after me."_

"_It's like we put up a brick wall between us. I just can't get through it anymore."_

--

We wish that we had learned to take our differences in stride.

--

"_You just can't deal with the fact that we aren't exactly alike. We're not going to agree on everything."_

"_I know that. I just can't reason with you."_

"_You can't reason with me all the time."_

"_I know that all too well."_

--

We wish our labels as "the Devils" wouldn't stand the test of time…

--

"_You are too good, you know that?"_

"_I never get tired of scheming."_

"_Neither do I."_

--

…Because the labels fit us so well.

--

"_The Upper East Side has us pegged as a pair of demons."_

"_Nothing is truer than that."_

--

We wish we didn't worry so much…

--

"_There's so much to do…I'm starting to stress out…"_

"_Worry looks good on you."_

"_Don't flatter me."_

--

…Because deep down we know we're fine just the way we are.

--

**Author's Note:** Well, here's the second part. I have to say, although writing this (which is ten pages on Word – for part each part) was tedious, it was definitely fun. Especially with my friends from the eNVy thread keeping me going. Thanks guys!

The next thing I'll probably put up is **The Last Dance**. It's a CB oneshot. I don't have a preview at the time, but here's the summary:

_If I gave you my heart, would you keep it always?_

Review! I will love you if you do. Thanks, Cass


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